Musings and Scribbles

I.

buttery warm naan bread

nag champa kisses

revelations of mysteries

smiles glowing in the flickering light of someone else's television

poetizing by candle light until eyes roll back

beatles beaten skin

sighs and proclamations from 12-3am, tears at 4:30

II.

laughter on the F train

the D our first ride

the 4 our path to sanctuary

the 6 where we parted over and over again

new york city underground transports love stories

like veins pumping the lifeblood of our city

III.

you say i fill you with my love...

so full that you can hold no more

such that it pours back out from your mouth

an endless cascade of honey for me to drink in

Juego de corazones

Atrapados en un bosque de caricias

No me pesa amarte

Isla de mi encanto, eres tu

Busco la manera de nunca

Olvidar ningunos de nuestros besos

Mi candela, mi

Bella, mi dentro, mi

Afuera, paso el tiempo

Recordandote en los colores del cielo

Olvido todo dolor cuando bailo tu

Salsa, me

Emborracho con tu musica

~Roberto 'Plena' Irizarry

1449 Leland Avenue

the shade is slightly tucked into itself 

on the other side of the white gated window

my abandoned bedroom with graffitied electric blue walls,

lies empty still...no one lives there

Not since I left 15 years ago

My safe haven, like a security blanket

Where I spent the first 18 years of my life

Visible but inaccessible, 

i go back every so often and look 

Just the window...

wish i could go in... 

like a child tonguing the hole in their gums 

where their milk tooth was once anchored

but, betty, mr. lee’s daughter wont let me in

when the window was open

when it rained

when the breeze blew 

tendrils of dewy air 

crisp fuzzy milky bright green leaves

released their perfume and comforted me

the space infused with the scent of figs

meant just for one lonely little girl... 

only i knew it’s magic

soothing gentle and so special

that the fig tree breathed only into my room 

i reminisce on the stoop, 

the only access i have to my old home 

in many ways an extension of my comfort zone

i played there

laughed there

became myself there on the 

two steps and short brick wall 

sitting comfortably with my back against the two story red structure,

elbows on knees a book in hand

i remember who i was

she is still me, i am still she at my core

the girl who read books

the girl who wrote books to escape 

the space between the stoop and her room

If I could I would protect you...my sons

As the mother of 4 boys I’ve heard many times

How lucky I am that I don’t have to worry about you...

As much as I would have to if you were girls...

Each one born of me, 

flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood

filled with God’s breath and blooming with the nourishment

provided by pure mother’s milk and the warmth of my total adoration

As you left the safety of my womb...

Soon your lives will be out of my hands

Each one a tiny fragile gentle soul grown within my core from the smallest of elements

into robust vibrant intelligent boys with a zest for life

that keeps me moving, even when I have nothing left.

I am the first and last word in their lives, the daily details comfort me. Mami knows all.

Someday, I will wait for a word to know how you are... Where you are...IF you are.

James...my eldest, my protector and my friend

Who with me saw rough times, battled past statistics

Defied the borders set for who we are 

We read books that open our scope, 

Write words that pull in our community

We love brightly to the sounds of our laughter and deep understanding

Jesus Gabriel... my ChuChu...the rebel without a cause

You fight direction at all cost

Fall scrape your knees, take the blows that come with your constant inclination to

Run into the wind, to do things the wrong way and hope to have them come out right

Your embrace and smile have the intensity of a small star

You smolder with a passion that frightens me... people follow you, they look to you

I pray that the power in you is used wisely...

Judah and Benjamin - my twin toddlers...You are just beginning to speak 

but your strength, my duo, has been felt since before your birth...

I asked the Lord for your name...Judah I read...then Benjamin I read. 

Overwhelmed by the beauty of this name I closed my eyes and thanked God quietly for the child in me with such a  blessed title

Until I saw two and my mind was rocked...and I knew that God has plans for you

Leaders of nations, fathers of tribes... 

You will be men

Puerto Rican men from the Bronx...

And if I could...I would protect you...

First and foremost my reply to those who say that I don’t have to worry as much 

have to remember that in times of crises the mantra is, “Women and children first”

We live in a world that beats our men until they come out the other side a mis-shapen version of the lovely creatures that they could be

They are meat to the government...numbers and bodies pumped out into the world to conquer, anonymous and only as good as the two legs that they stand on.

The need for an able bodied workforce could make drones of my bright shining babies ...plugging them into the big machine for the greater good of humanity regardless of what they become and what condition they are in in the end. 

There are women out there preying upon our good men, using them to fulfill their needs for attention, with poisonous lying tongues they bring deceit into their lives and put them at risk of disease

There are others, who began just like mine pure and clean and somehow along the way they were damaged and will hate my sons for no reason other than that they exist. The proverbial bullets, jails, the gaping maw of evil in this world is frightening...

They will battle uphill to be all the man that they can despite their geneological history, their place of birth and their social status, which depending upon the circumstances can be the blessing or the curse. 

Experience after experience, the light of innocence has shone less in your eyes

I see the reality dawning upon you. The first one to embark, my eldest, James...

You call me when you need me, when the pressure has begun, when the hugeness of the task at hand becomes overwhelming... you call to me and I open my heart to all that you have to say, aching because thisprocess is not easy... to tell you this will be hard, it will not get easier, that these moments too shall pass...so we talk... 

we sit and I teach you to tell me a

nd I listen

and I listen and advise

and I listen and love

and I listen

And I know that this at some point,

This will be the only way that I have left to protect you

please remember, when i am gray, 
looking upon my soft skin and praying to be mine
even when i am slow, my heart will quicken for you
never ease your pace, time and speed are ours
a hundred miles per hour is just about right

break neck pace doesnt scare me anymore
only the brake that once pumped for safety
making the tires screech and my heart mimicked 
bellowing a warning, bright yellow flashing 
asking me to pull over and if i knew why

you can drive my car
as long as i get to stick one foot out the window 
it's fun to let the wind whip through my hair
always a good time to turn the dials and enjoy the travel music
if our love is like a road trip it begins with a stop at 7-11
snapple peach - check. chocolate almonds - check. water - check
throw some clothes in the back, put the top down and let's cruise
baby, we got nothing but road ahead and the sky is looking mighty fine
marcusmaschwitz.com

with eyes closed i see you clearly

resonating in my pulse

thick and deeply thrumming in my body

like a drum beat born long ago 

your face, dim in the shadows

candle light silken upon our curves 

smiles play upon the corners of

sweet lips engulf me 

and i cry into the darkness

and fade into echoes

your love is mine like the moon is mine

and i am your sun, 

the Starrs our children 

crazy diamonds 

twinkle musical glow 

applauding our exhilaration

your hands my safe haven 

a nest of certainty and dedication

in them i sleep carelessly

arms thrown back with abandon

vulnerable throat awaits your caress

deftly touch your fingers to my paint

you are the artist to my canvas

my moans swaths of purples and blue

snapped 3x5ed into memory

another masterpiece created

another moment etched into history

another song sung silently into eternity

Your hands on my shoulders hold me above water

Below me ripples over crags 

Certain pain threatens to interrupt 

I refuse 

close my eyes

listen to the sound of the endless stream

Gurgling through me

My feet no longer touch the ground

My lungs no longer await the rising tide

Breath of life easier today than yesterday

I thank you for cajoling my eyes closed

so that i might finally rest

the tumultuous clamor has ceased

across the screen a new scene 

The colors before me brighten

The cinema changes tone

The sepia that I thought was my own

Is now a rose shade

The dust bowl has seen droplets of you

My personal drought has come to an end