Metrophobia, or the fear of poetry

Artists are known to be wackadoo so I feel liberated by admitting this strange realization. It's almost as if I've just stumbled upon another realm, entered a new room in the mansion that is my sub-conscious, now that I'm aware of this. 

I become overwhelmed, almost to the point of discomfort, when I encounter phenomenal poetry. 

I love poetry, it fills me, feeds me, kept me going in the darkest times of my life. So how is this possible?

Lately, I've felt the suffocating sensation of having reached the end of something - the obliteration of capsular ignorance, the beginning of new knowledge, the opening of a new door in my mind and spirit. Each spectacular work of art, visual or auditory, widens my path and fine tunes my vision. "Becoming" frightens me to a degree. It's something I have to face head on and pulverize. The comfort of living what I have known for so long is a safety blanket that is yanked off by each word that unlocks an idea in my mind. It's the reason that books are burned and banned. 

I feel shifts and don't know who I will be soon. I am reaching a point of inspiration that will force a change. . Evolution, the simple Pentecostal Christian in the top drawer has been taught, is dangerous. "Cook, clean, enjoy the children and stay safe, don't risk, keep your feet on the ground. Don't you DARE step out into the unknown!"

Here we are, all of us, my friends and loved ones. Hungry for more, craving enlightenment and quivering with every new synapses. The more I know the more confident I become and it's safer to be insecure and hiding. My resolve to be a success is lifting me and I'm running headlong into my future. Thankfully, I have people who love me more than words can express (and I believe deeply in the power of words) holding my hand and sharing this experience with me. We're growing and smashing our expectations for who we'd be. It's dizzying. This roller coaster is cranking toward the zenith.

Here is my dilemma - clicky clicky. Mhm. There it is. Like an addict afraid to quit, first step... Admit. 

"Hi. I'm Jani and I'm afraid of success"

Now all I have to do is wrestle this beast to the ground and become what God, destiny, the Universe has in store for me. I might pass out a few times but the arms outstretched behind me won't let me fall. 

Here goes somethin'...

Comments

[Maralis]

Lovely and perfectly stated. Oh, and thanks for giving us a great descriptive...wackadoo!