Bomba y Plena - Final Words

written simultaneously:

when what was, is no longer - bomba

i am afraid to write these words because i fear that yours may not be about me

but to write about anything else would be dishonest

dizzy with pain & anger i blurt “i cant do this anymore” 

ask you to leave me alone so that i can gather the parts of me that are strewn about 

and now

the most interesting thing has happened, 

i’ve learned to think about two things simultaneously

i now have to ability to talk about one thing while thinking another

there isnt a single solitary moment that goes by when i am not consumed by you

i now live on two planes

the one in which we laugh, make love and talk about our future

the one in which we marvel at how two people could be so in love

and the one that i’m actually living

the one in my head feels more real, so i take breaks throughout the day

i close my eyes and live there - try to make it last longer

because my shirts still smell like you

because i still feel your breath in my hair

because i thought you were the miracle i had been waiting for

bitter 

broken

pained

exhausted

ashamed of how desperately i love you

soaked like the handkerchief i used in an effort to wipe away

the fact that we are a memory

i’ve folded each tear & keep them under my pillow

Copyright © 2010 by Jani (Bomba Rose) Rosado 

When Kisses Become Yesterday - Plena

I shout tight closed fists at tender skin,

I smack pink cheeks with insult until I achieve desired bruising,

taste this curse on the edge of my lips,

It is yours to swallow.

I damn the day I realized  I am my fathers son,

a product of the void that is no mothers warmth.

How do I thank you for loving me while talons carve your name on my back?

By craving this fuel which burns my lungs and boils my blood, this will soon be a slaughter,

this forgiveness in the 1st degree arrives in the form of stanzas,

I wish this poem, a swift swing of dagger, meets your hearts flesh, you are no more,

fatality.

I can rest.

Copyright © 2010 by Roberto Plena Irizarry  

moth bitten apples and friends

i feel so small

in the hot lamp light of the scrutiny from those

who nestled their chests up against my back

to feed off of the warmth 

that they thought was my life

you dont know me

stranger who lied in the face of my certainty

who balked in the face of my bald open faced adoration

angered by the revelation, a lack of perfection i never claimed

disappointed by my humanity you discarded me 

while i forgave you for being real

but i looked inside...past the refuse into the core

and saw lovely, fragile, broken...

i feel so small 

after having given smiles sutured from the wooly sinews 

that held my miserable heart together 

rose up out of the mouths of the moths floating around in my belly

shaken with fear of not being good enough

for you

my arms, bags of blood, 

wrapped around you pumping i love yous

because i know they heal

and you really really need it

and genuine emotion poured into little plastic cups 

doled out dutifully to those who know that they don’t really 

give two fucks or shits

and i gave 3 or 4 

like vitamins for your sallow soul, 

for a little bit, for a little while, just a little hit

but they don’t matter now

swallowed and gone

flushed like yesterday's digested morsels

you'd rather be rid of me now that i no longer serve 

the purpose that i was intended to

bitter i can be biting into the apples handed to me

worm bitten moldy full of animosity

you ask me to share it with others

i am done - making excuses

trying to dig my way out from under the ugly truth

that 

you dont 

see me

didnt really

know me

no matter how much you think you understood

you saw only what your selfish mask allowed

as you walk through life with that filter cutting off the corners of your vision

please try to comprehend

remember...

i was genuine

and now that the love is gone and your

friendship is no more an than an illusion

sitting here remembering makes me feel so small

swinging back...

how did i get here?
why did it comes to this?
i was bathing in saffron
i was running through bliss

and now i pause
stop
freeze
wait

hold on

how did i get here?
this chill hard place
i don't like my reflection
must re-spackle the face

smile
move
talk
laugh

my heart cries a-foul
as i crank and reel
edging my way back
to how i would feel
when the air was warm
and the snow was bright
when the kitty was soft
when i welcomed the night

to hear crickets and waterfalls
to hear drum beats and hearts
to see glorious beauty
to see rainbows of light

but now i toss
turn
pull
push

sitting on my swing
back and forth, to and fro
while the wind swishes past me
close my eyes as i go
is it worse that i can't see?
when i go very fast
have to stop getting dizzy
nothing left but the the past

photo by naupliosa

direct link on deviantart: http://fav.me/d1enqxn