moth bitten apples and friends
Monday, February 1, 2010 at 04:11PM i feel so small
in the hot lamp light of the scrutiny from those
who nestled their chests up against my back
to feed off of the warmth
that they thought was my life
you dont know me
stranger who lied in the face of my certainty
who balked in the face of my bald open faced adoration
angered by the revelation, a lack of perfection i never claimed
disappointed by my humanity you discarded me
while i forgave you for being real
but i looked inside...past the refuse into the core
and saw lovely, fragile, broken...
i feel so small
after having given smiles sutured from the wooly sinews
that held my miserable heart together
rose up out of the mouths of the moths floating around in my belly
shaken with fear of not being good enough
for you
my arms, bags of blood,
wrapped around you pumping i love yous
because i know they heal
and you really really need it
and genuine emotion poured into little plastic cups
doled out dutifully to those who know that they don’t really
give two fucks or shits
and i gave 3 or 4
like vitamins for your sallow soul,
for a little bit, for a little while, just a little hit
but they don’t matter now
swallowed and gone
flushed like yesterday's digested morsels
you'd rather be rid of me now that i no longer serve
the purpose that i was intended to
bitter i can be biting into the apples handed to me
worm bitten moldy full of animosity
you ask me to share it with others
i am done - making excuses
trying to dig my way out from under the ugly truth
that
you dont
see me
didnt really
know me
no matter how much you think you understood
you saw only what your selfish mask allowed
as you walk through life with that filter cutting off the corners of your vision
please try to comprehend
remember...
i was genuine
and now that the love is gone and your
friendship is no more an than an illusion
sitting here remembering makes me feel so small
