Woman by Roberto Plena Irizarry

You are woman
I hear your screams
Between dinner plates and lingerie
Your chest and hips are measured
Determining if you are to be chosen
The good wife, at the cost of your heart, sometimes your sanity.
Post-partem depression is caused by pre-partem partner.
This is no fair trade.
You have been hoodwinked.
Your body spends a lifetime serving man,
A source of constant pleasure
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a cancerous breast?
Men don't wear pink, we wouldn't know.
Hands that will age faster with each clean dish
They will pull,
squeeze,
glide,
slide,
press,
grip,
hold,
and smack.
Your eyes say it all
Truth
From womb to grave,
the world will depend on u.
Mouths to feed,
clothes to sew,
men to please
and floors to sweep.
Your tears are not to be seen,
your cries are not to be heard.
You’re told - “Don't bother me with your shit,
be happy I'm wit’cha ass.”
Forced to cover up in the east
or undress completely in the west.
We confuse billboard ads for reality.
In my eyes, you don't need to wear a size 4 for me to love u.
When will u say, “Enough is enough”?
You who carry life.
You who give birth to men who in turn make you feel like you should have never been born.
Some bruises will come from lovebites,
The worst ones from closed fists.
Light of the world,
Not objects of desire.
You embody strength,
You are no desperate housewife
Your are no sex in the city
You are the cause of man
We came from you and think only
about cumming in you.
You are no old maid.
You are new royalty.
You are not a piece of ass.
You are peace of mind.
Almost every woman I've ever known has been subject to pain by the hands of a man.
I wish my thoughts could slash the throats of all those men.
You are woman
I hear your screams.

Roberto Irizarry copyright © 2010

purple strings

break break break my concentration

my focus is taking me higher into the mountains that i saw on the horizon

like a bullring, like a home-cooked meal across the arid plains

follow follow follow your goal, your path, your future, your DEssssSTINY

i see the red balloon and eyes up, nose up i follow

running behind it, tripping on jagged rocks

patent leather mary-janes scuffed, gouged, stuck in crags

breaking my stockings and mussing my socks

my dress is getting dirty

i can hear the music there

the first strains of violins and tambourines

my own song playing from over yonder

follow follow follow the red balloon

break break break my concentration

the threads of purple hold me back

pop pop pop they pop with the pressure of my pushing chest  

go forth, little girl

little hands behind me, i grip

hundreds of tiny hands at my waist 

at my back, i grip

i feel like a linebacker 

i feel like a bulldozer

i feel like a shovel in the sand

as i raise my head and crane my neck to follow my red balloon.

Jani Rosado copyright 2009

Art by Tattoomaus78 ~deviantart

Today is Mine

They are free of cares at this very moment,
Mami prepares dinner, I watch him sit on the floor with his toys
For just a few more hours, I want to live this...to see them worry free
I sit and watch them move their limbs without a worry in the world.
That will change soon, as it has for me
Once I tell her, every time she lifts that spoon it will be filled with a new knowledge. The rice she stirs will be heavy.
I know that he won't understand until the effects are visible, when I'm unable to play, when i'm unable to lift him into the air and swing.
I'll do that in a little while, because for now I can.
Because today is mine.
I know that Mami will remember me as a little girl. When my hair is thinning she will remember when it was growing in as a toddler. I will see that on her face...I dread that moment.
l look down and remember him at my breast as a newborn,
They were once a glorious miracle, they are now...tick... tick... tickiing
A wave of nausea washes me pale, my stomach tightens with fear.
Mami makes jokes that at first I don't hear. The sounds are abstract, they shimmer like water...her voice is lovely.
His laugh rises up twinkling like dewdrops on my spirit.
I am resolved and sure that I will dig in my heels, and
I will fight and battle within an inch of my life for the life that she gave me, for the life that I gave him
I'm so afraid of "what within an inch of my life" will feel like
I begin... Mami, te tengo que decir algo...I have to tell you what the doctor said...
**************************

Wracked with indescribable, unimaginable aches I am angry,
This body is no longer mine
It is a pin cushion, it is a bundle of pain, it is an abstract creation
It is theirs, to poke, burn, dismantle and put together again
Resolved to be stronger than the silent killer lurking in my body.
Loving hands hold me up when I am weak,
God is in me, He is my strength,
Mami pats my face, her face has new lines,
her broken heart pumping strength into mine
My baby kisses me gently, trying not to press anywhere that will make me wince, it frightens him.

He's so strong, a little man in such a short time
When I am alone, sweating, cold, I speak into the room,
Affirmation
Today is mine!
****************************************

Holding his hand, we joyfully run up the steps to the home that I grew up in,
that we waged war in
My steps have grown confident, I am a warrior
My child is a soldier, My mother a commander
We willed it away, we screamed it away
We cried it away, demanded it away,
how deeply how strongly we prayed it away...
And today at the door Mami smiles a real smile...
A victorious smile, a proud smile
She sits with him on her lap as I stir the rice...and this, This is all that I wanted
This is all that i fought for
This is all that I needed
These are the moments that I prayed for
And I thank God again that
Today is mine.

copyright Jani Rosado 2009

written for Poetry in Pink Breast Cancer fundraiser By Maggie's Latin Angels at Camaradas el Barrio

Artwork by Derek Santiago www.riceandbeanz.net

PLEASE MAKE A DONATION to support a cure, research and education.

The Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk is in October, the sooner the better...Thank you. 

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why do i feel this way?

the air is stagnant in the eye of the storm

i'm there again. this neverending dizzying cycle of life has me twisted into yet another repetitive dysfunctional exhausting place. feeling like too many things are happening and nothings changed and this day and the other day and the next day are blurring together and i feel the sick inside waiting for the water, waiting for the pain to cease or begin at this point there is nothing. i need something. something to take me in and turn me about and make me rise and laugh and high and higher my hair wants to fly and my eyes want to sparkle. my stomach is drowning in morose twitches, my back tired of the bricks that are crushing the air. my lungs, my legs are soft my teeth aching. time is passing. new time is the same as old time. i was told it would be happy. hot stale breath blows into the cavern in my chest reminding, teasing memories. promises. the hope. how many times have i waited? big challenges, small victories. hold on. breathe them in. stop. unwrap the wound. let them heal. they're still moist. and decaying. give them sunlight. let them dry. fear is your friend. let it burn where you grow. jump off the precipice. lick the toads back and see the colors of you. there's no other choice but to do what it is that must be done or the saturated hues you seek will never penetrate your vision. will never focus. finish one thing move on to the next. why does this dizzy? why is this so hard? when did one thing become five and five gave birth to five and now the things i have to do have great grandchildren. i want to sleep, but i never do. i want to eat, but it wont fill the void. i want to connect. feel love. grab on. hold tight. climb the mountain. yell. scream. fight. kick and be the best me that i can. be but i wont let me. there's a gag. there's a noose. there's a blindfold. be good. be smart. behave. be sane. take. give. step by step. little by little. foot in the crack. fingers in the nook. up and over. i'll be able to see passed the mess. past the clutter. once i'm up there i can be 

it will be new

it will be mine

i will be

and i just want to be who is me

~jani rosado